New Vision (Kampala)
OPINION
1 August 2007
Posted to the web 2 August 2007
http://allafrica.com/stories/200708020035.html

By Hilary Bainemigisha
Kampala
THE year is 2027 and I am in court, charged with domestic violence of no ordinary kind. The accuser - who happens to be my wife and somebody who, by the way, hates being in newspapers, is swearing that I committed an act of violence on her. Being 60 years of age, it is inconceivable that I can beat my wife after 37 years of blissful marriage. But you forget that in the year of CHOGM, 2007, women activists proposed to the Government that any man who, at zero hours, is asked by his wife to put on a condom and he refuses and goes ahead to dive naked into the pool, commits an act of domestic violence against the wife.
I repeat; if your wife outlaws naked swimming either temporarily or permanently, and you start asking such questions as 'Do you know how many cows I paid for you?' you are committing domestic violence and are liable to criminal prosecution.
In 2007, it was a laughing matter. But over years when other countries started being sympathetic to wives who stay faithful till the man brings the virus home, the MPs had to comply or lose seats.
In most of Africa, the wife, who usually depends on the husband, has no powers to negotiate the terms of reference in the way domestic games are played.
So, even when she has received enough rumour about his philandering ways - or even evidence that he begot an offspring with a widow suspected to be living with HIV, she has limited authority of slapping sanctions on the domestic league. The husband thinks that for as long as she does not pack her bags and leave, she has to accept to play all wifely roles to the naked fullest.
Women argue that by accepting to continue eating the fruit with the husband, who happens to be on the list of suspects, she is fulfilling her domestic responsibility, but she must be protected while at it. We all know the condom works but you must put it on in order for it to work.
So, when the no-condom-no-sex bill is tabled, men cut wires and blow all fuses. Tradition has armed them with an arsenal that has enough red cards to eject any wife of whatever anniversaries. They dive in by force.
Usually, they quickly forget that a woman, who has built the home with them, has borne children to and has invested in the family, has as equal rights to stay in the very home as they do. They are quick to deploy their 'Pack your bags and go!' card with a threat of violence that makes it inevitable for women to come up with a stern bunker against what they now call 'the virus and violence'.
Soon, for those who are living in 2007, it will be illegal for men to swim naked in their own pool when the shareholder demands swimming costumes. And what advice do I give to the human species with whom I share sex?
Let us not be confrontational. If your wife wants you to use a condom, it is usually in good faith for a noble purpose.
Suppose you have the virus and she does not, do not both of you benefit when she remains alive to look after you during the fading times as well as the family when you have expired? If you are sure your blood is safe, let the machine decide and she will be comfortable. What sex will it be when she is too worried to reciprocate?
Insisting to have our way is an act of murder and for women to reduce the sentence to violence, they are being, as usual, motherly. Grow up! We must respect each other's urge to live longer.

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